A friend asked that I write an article for their web page on the Circles of the Lifestyle. As it has a base understanding of what is involved in the BDSM world, it is a good beginning for future discussions. We do hope to take you into the soul of both a dominant and submissive that live in a Ds relationship, in so doing, maybe give you a better understanding of the depth that such a relationship can hold.

Some of our activities, you may consider kinky and others you may have a hard time understanding. If this is the case, we welcome any questions you have and will try our best to answer them. But it is important that you understand that portion of our lifestyle only comprises 5-10% of what and who we are. No one can participate in activities per se 100% of the time, and that is not what a relationship is.

Without going too much further into our relationship, we present for you a base understanding of BDSM.


Circles of the lifestyle

B-D-S-M -- How can four simple letters of the alphabet bring so much confusion? There are a multitude of sites that go into the lifestyle and what these letters mean to them. In a way this is no different as it is the view of an individual and their interpretation of what they signify.

Some of the confusion comes from the fact that those four letters are actual acronyms for six words, and it is their combination that brings even more confusion. The first letter B stands for Bondage, so far so good. The next two letters however both represent two different words. The D represents Discipline and Dominance while the S represents Submission and Sadism. The M at the end represents Masochism.

These letters are normally combined as BD, Ds, and SM. How they interact for each person and what level they take them to is of their own choosing. If you think of each of these as a world unto themselves you will start to understand how they can interact with each other or be completely separate for each other. They are sometimes referred to as rings or circles within each a group resides.

BD or bondage and discipline



The first two circles are activity based, and the third is one of relationships. BD or bondage and discipline involve the restriction of freedom by physical acts. Bondage is often found by the one being bound to be freeing in that it takes away any resistance they have to physical pleasure as it is no longer under their control so it is all right for them to enjoy what was previously forbidden or that they felt guilty about. Discipline is something that as a human being we strive for our beings to be, as in a disciplined individual. This arena deals with punishment for "not behaving" or "doing what you are told," such as, being a bad girl (boy) and needing to be punished so you remember to be good. Often this is associated with role playing rather then actual discipline.

In both of these activities you can see that it is the yielding of responsibility to a single present authority. It tells you what is right and wrong or you are prevented from stopping what will happen as you no longer have the ability to resist, and allows your experiencing of physical stimulation in a manner that is otherwise unachievably.

SM or Sado-Masochism



The next circle to look at is SM or Sado-Masochism. Here participants receive their pleasure for giving or getting pain. A pure sadist would only be interested in their own pleasure and not that of the one they are inflicting pain on. They would not be concerned with whether or not it is consensual. A pure Masochist's only desire is to get pain in any form. Both of these individuals are destructive, both to themselves and too possibly the person they would be with. However, there are very few pure Sadists or Masochists. In the lifestyle one would seek out another that enjoys this form of pleasure so that they could have pleasure themselves. As you are seeking one who wishes consensual pleasure from pain you are already showing your care for what the other person wants, this by definition is not a pure sadist. A person within the lifestyle who does enjoy pain does not wish to die and therefore sets limits as to what they will do, that by definition also is not a pure Masochist for if they were they would not care how they received it.

Why do these individuals seek this? For the Masochist it could be many things, including punishment for perceived digression in their regular life. The most likely is the drugged effect that the body produces as it experiences pain. The body produces endorphins to counteract the pain the nervous system is felling. As the scene continues, more and more endorphins are released inducing a euphoric state referred to as sub-space. Once a person reaches this point, they are no longer able to distinguish pain from pleasure as one is the other. The sadist on the other hand has the rush that comes from absolute dominance of the individual, the ability to inflict pain at their discretion.

Both of these circles, as you can see are activity-based and can be done by those who describe themselves as Tops, bottoms, Switches, Dominants, or Submissives. The third circle is by far the more intricate, as it involves a relationship between people on a physical level, emotional levels or both depending on the people involved.

Ds or Dominance and submission



Ds or Dominance and submission are the third of the three circles of the lifestyle. This goes into the very soul of the individual and takes it out of the activity-based arenas. A dominant is one who derives pleasure for the control of another. This control can be in any form that both parties agree to. They give their direction and guidance to a submissive who has learned to respect and trust them. A submissive is one who yields a part of their being to the dominant. This can vary from a portion of it to all of it. You may ask what is referred to as all of it. This submissive is one who wishes to live for the dominants pleasure only. They give all that they are to serve the dominant and in so doing find their contentment. The dominant in providing their caring for the submissive allows the submissive to grow in ways that were not achievable by the submissive themselves. This is because the submissive is driven by their own need for pleasure and that pleasure comes only from pleasing the dominant. Goals that had been unattainable before because it was only for the submissive would often not be met, and even more often they would not know why.

A Ds relationship can be as pure as new snow, and have nothing to do with the lifestyle per se. Often these people as all of those outside of the lifestyle are referred to as vanilla. I am sure that everyone remembers the old time television of Ozzie and Harriet. This would be a good example of a vanilla Ds couple in that the Dominant was the one served at all times. Those within the lifestyle or practicing some of the kink of the lifestyle might incorporate some of the BD or SM activities within their bedroom to "liven things up some." There is nothing wrong with this and they are on the fringe of a Ds lifestyle relationship.

Those however that incorporate the lifestyle dominance and submission into their everyday lifestyle are those that are referred to as 24/7 Ds relationships. These will vary form a Master/submissive relationship to a Master/slave relationship. It becomes a matter of trust and respect for each other that allows for the growth of this relationship. A way to look at it yourself in the simplest of terms is: Imagine how much trust and respect an individual must have for another to submit all of their being to that person, with no reservation and no restrictions put in place as to how that person uses them or does to them. How many of you could submit to your partner or a person you know that completely. This is the placing of your very next breath in that persons hands and if they decide to hold it tight, you die. If they nurture it, you not only survive but grow in ways that were before unimaginable.

Is any one persons entwining of the circles better then the other make them more lifestyle then the next? Do they have to incorporate all three circles into their lives to be lifestyle? The answer to both questions is no, for it is up to the individuals involved to decide what is best for them and fulfills them. The couple may not wish any of the activities what so ever, but do wish to recognize their role or station in life. They may wish to incorporate one or both of the activities. Does this make one couple more lifestyle then the other? No, it does not. It simply means that they have found what pleases them and accept it.



Do I deliberately make this a scary thought to some extent? The answer is yes, for I do not wish people to enter into this thinking a Ds relationship is a game. It is not. A Ds relationship goes far deeper into the individuals being, releasing things that in some cases society has said are politically incorrect, but they are correct for the individuals. It can be the most wonderful of feelings or the worse nightmare you have ever known. You either are or are not a dominant or a submissive when it comes to the lifestyle. If you are then you will find your fulfillment. If you are not............


© August 2000 DevilsTriMaster









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